The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
