hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So vagazzling was a success
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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