At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
