Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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