Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
