Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
