I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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