SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
