ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize