i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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