the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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