Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
