I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The uberlube is also flammable
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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