what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
