All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
