she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize