So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
