hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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