Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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