TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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