you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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