Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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