Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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