When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
