I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The power of my boobs compel you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.