listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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