areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
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don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it