everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
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My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation