a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"