How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
