It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
