I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
