Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
