Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
