can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pants are for mortals
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
