Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
