he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
