Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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