she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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