I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
