I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
