You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
