I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
