I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
