I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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