u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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