it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
