So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
