My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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