What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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