His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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