First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
