I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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