i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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