i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
