the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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