Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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