I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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