My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
