Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
