I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
