I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
