Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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