May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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