Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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