Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
