soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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