I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
