So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dicks are not precious.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
