my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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