just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
