The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
