Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
