i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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