I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
