i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
