I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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