I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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